Counting down...

This must be the worse countdown to anything. A countdown to a blood test which allow us to be either conclusive or progressive. I'm down and I'm lying if I'm not. I dread visiting the toilet each time and looking down. 

I dread letting a big sigh but I can't help but do so. 

I told myself to have faith. To let go and let God. Yet, I refrain from looking at pictures of little ones, and I also been doing extensive research on topics I wish to not have association with. 

I trol sites that talk about hcg 700 / 7 weeks no sac, bleeding no sac / etopic. Chemical pregnancy. It's as thou I was going to make a presentation or lecture about it. 

So I await for 830am Tml and the next two hours following it for the results. 

I have such a heavy heart. 

God Pls heal my soul 

Seeing Red on CNY

dear beanie, mummy and daddy don't know how you are at this point and how things are except to hope for the best. And even this sense of hope is taking me a lot of effort. But I'm certainly sure it takes you more to fight for the well being of your precious little life. I wish us all well and for God's will to be upon us. What started as a small spot of red ended up with more red than mama would like to see on this day. We were panicky, we were worried and we were anxious. Bcos U are a precious gift tt we believed God had sent to our family. My only hope now is to trust the almighty God tt all things work out well for those who love the Lord and that the next 24 hours will see extreme growth in the hcg level. I look forward to new updates and hopefully positive news for the family. 

 

There are many lessons to this. Nothing come easy and nothing should be taken forgranted for. I'm humbled by this experience and seek forgiveness.

God Pls grant us your forgiveness and an opportunity to love once again. 

... The third time

I sneakily found time to grab some on the shelf pregnancy test kit today.... This was after 2 test and 10 days late! 

There were a lot to anticipate and I found out that yes..... It's happening .... Once again.

God, I thank you for granting my heart desires. Part one of my ideal plan was to have a september bb. And to complete my wishes, I pray that God will protect the child and grant us a baby girl to complete our family. 

:) 

This time I remember to pray fervently.

My kids and my love love love

I have been following this author for quite some time and glad to pick up this article. http://www.aneverydaystory.com/2014/04/13/30-days-to-transform-your-play-day-14/

It discusses about "want nothing Time" it's something I can totally relate to as I very often basked myself into the "just spend time but wonder if tt purposeful" state of mind. And the extent of the guilt level ...I mind you .... is often a mind boggling "high" and you can so imagine my sense of relief by the end of the article. 

Kids: you grow and grow .... I may not be the best mom but I'm being the best that I can be at this given time. Hugs and love 

I will learn more and more each day 

Mummy gengen 

The buying must STOP

Yes! I've jus came home from a world of primarks / C&A / Pound Shop 

And guess what! I've over shopped once again for the kids! And this is big time over shopping and so i hate it and terribly guilty about it 

And so... I'm humbled...humbled by a true definition of what modern mum should be

 I've always lived by a simple principle in life... And a difficult one. I've always wanted to just be a 进的了厨房，出的了厅堂 woman...

I draw inspiration occasionally from some ladies I chanced upon and then continue to steer along my own journey.

Last week, I'm humbled by what I saw in Angela, a close client of mine who resides in Belgium where I met them and spent some time with. The visit changed my perspective and had me rethinking my life and my perceptions of many things... From this woman of my age whom i have so much to learn about and from:

- for the first time really, I must say I have a lot of admiration 

- the tai tais in the western world have it much less easy then the taitai in Singapore 

- they have a big house and very well to do. Yet she handled everything so well on her own 

- she worked for a few hours , got back during lunch to check the kids out, went back to work and came back home and prepared with a whipping wand some simple beautiful dinner and freshly baked dessert for me! Amidst looking after a young toddler like Lucus and being extremely sweet for her hubby. 

- it made me rethink the kind of woman I am and the woman I wanna be... For my hubby and my family 

- and yes .... The sg 50 lasses are indeed much spoilt to the core

- and you know what .... With such qualities in her , she deserve the beautiful life she is having now  

Thank you andry and Angela for this important  life lesson you taught me

Back Home with the Phangs

And so I survived the many days of biz trip and the different encounters! All in all I would like to say that I've grown so much as a person during this trip and well.... The kids too!

I dread that I miss some significant milestones but thank God for their good growth! So when I left, little Lucas was barely taking a few steps and when I'm back , the little one is walking really well and had become the most expressive little thing! I always like the toddler phase in children... Oh well... ever since Hongda my cousin was one and then followed by the Varman kids and ahem... The kids are P5 p6 now!

After my 13 days trip , I got home and with the blessing from the family... I slept so much.... And I sure hope that after this blog entry I will get back to sleep. Friday morning I slept from 9am to 3pm and 12 midnight to Saturday 3pm! And then again from 10pm to 3pm.