Counting down...

This must be the worse countdown to anything. A countdown to a blood test which allow us to be either conclusive or progressive. I'm down and I'm lying if I'm not. I dread visiting the toilet each time and looking down. 

I dread letting a big sigh but I can't help but do so. 

I told myself to have faith. To let go and let God. Yet, I refrain from looking at pictures of little ones, and I also been doing extensive research on topics I wish to not have association with. 

I trol sites that talk about hcg 700 / 7 weeks no sac, bleeding no sac / etopic. Chemical pregnancy. It's as thou I was going to make a presentation or lecture about it. 

So I await for 830am Tml and the next two hours following it for the results. 

I have such a heavy heart. 

God Pls heal my soul