things you learn at home

The spin cycle in your washing machine is to remove most of the water from your clothes. It plays a part in the length of drying time for your clothes. Do Not Tumble Dry means not to put them in a dryer. Hang drying (on a clothes line or over the shower matters not) will not damage the fabric as is the potential of tumble drying, with or without heat. 
Spinning in the washer will not alter the shape of your clothes.

Day one: superma wannabe

So it's the first 24 hours where auntie Ruth is not in and hubs and I Managing the household and the 3 little one! 

So here are some of the norm tt took place 

- while I was trying to get something from the fridge, I had to knock over a sweet chinchow drink and ended up having to clean the entire fridge and the floor 

- lost my finger print as my fingers reacted to the washing liquid. That had resulted in me not being able to get home

- Lucas puked all over his tux at the wedding dinner resulting in a big mess we had to clear amidst managing 3 kids and a sane dinner 

Hope it gets better Tml. Tml I will also need to manage the meals and the chores! 

It's me and my little world

I look back at my

Colourful life and it's a big contrast to what it is now.

The parties the many friends that I cross

Path with and the many ppl that meant something to me. Ok.... It would be the ones I have invited to my wedding! 

These random thoughts come about on this lazy Sunday cos my

Parents are away, my hubby is not at home and my lil sis just reached out on a friendship sos situation... Which prompted me to think of my world and how much it had shrink... From friend size... Phone calls and phone bill size... Ppl I meet on a regular basis. 

Like the hubby say, his friends are always his friends cos they accept each other's "por" and smelly "kuan" 

And someone once shared "you must know the person to like the person"

I'm still struggling in this dept called friendship. I get hurt too easily, affected too easily , critical too easily. Have expectations that perhaps I can't fulfill too. Anyway, like my sis ,

My priority have changed. While I don't 100 per cent like the way it is,

I doubt I have bandwidth to accommodate any else. 

Like the video my sons watch... The shoes are not shrinking it's you feet that it growing.

In a positive light , my world is not shrinking but rather... I'm growing !

The monster life

I'm done 

It cost to be kind

I'm sad. Period 

Everything links to the tummy

I don't know why .... Post the sad news, each time I feel angry my tummy hurts 

Chicken soup for the soul

The appt with dr Tham went well and indeed it was nourishing to the soul. He assured me that it's almost like a no biggie. Don't have to be afraid and the case is close ... In his words.

He was his usual gentle self. 

It was suppose to be this very special day

Here I am at dr Ben Tham clinic. What was supposed to be the beautiful and happy day to hear the heartbeat and see the bb. Oh well oh well.... I'm still here.... Q ing and in hope tt his assuring self will help mend this broken heart and send some assuring notes. 

I've been fine other then the occasional insensitive topics my sis like to talk about. Oh well! 

I suddenly feel like I should have been pang tang and all my pang tang self was right all the time. I need to be and should be. Then maybe this might have been an otherwise situation. 

I should have kept mum and not breathe a word to anyone abt this. I should have this and should have tt. Hiya.... When can I get out of this rut. 

God... Pls get me together 

I wished ....

I wished I nv knew... The classic case of ignorance will be sure bliss. Little did U realise that a hope that lasted for a mere 12 days would have such a detrimental effect to the soul and mind.

I wished I nv knew

I wished I had covered all ground in everything I did 

I wished I didn't attend any xi Shi

Didn't went ahead with my massage 

Didn't fix my nails 

Didn't did a day of maid cover up 

Didn't do any taboo matters 

I wished I behave more like a princess and less like Cinderella 

I wished I had went for a 6 weeks test.... At least I would maybe have been more carefully or lived with less doubts now 

God Bless the angel

So we got the test results! I must say it was less traumatizing as I had expected and by the time the news came, there were too many signs to prep us for the matter of fact. Plus the fact that I was already a 75% guru by then.

The HCG had dropped to under 200 from 700 something. 

However clinical the dr on duty was, I think she conveyed the msg well. Her choice of words were sensitive thou emotionless with no empathy. And guess it worked well for me. So I won't be too emo about it. No pregnancy reported, hcg had dropped significantly and the bleeding is the body's way of naturally clearing up. 

So yeah .... God bless the Angel or imaginary angel. It's a little pity tt I can't and won't be able to share similar timelines in my pregnancy Milestone with my sis and say it's a special gift with grandma blessing. But for practical reasons it could be a positive. She now can take over most of the items I have preserved for her use. 

I'm back to look forward to take a run faithfully to lose weight. 

There are also a lot to be thankful of 

- the fact that I saw the clot of tissue; its gives me some good sense tt it's not something still stuck somewhere in my system to develop into something undesirable 

- the fact that I have nv seen any sac formed And neither were there any reported, there is no guilt ( maybe less) tt I did not look after the bean well ( ok I do sometimes ask if I was the one tt lost the bean via some foul act, But there are not enough supporting facts to warrant tt guilt)

- maybe it was a well preserved egg tt the sperm had attempted to fertilized when it was already degenerating. My last period was 17th dec. I left on a trip so long from 8-21st. Did the deed on 21st. Was tested not positive on 21st and positive on 28th. 

Sigh! I'm sure there is some sense of loss. But I'm sure I can overcome it in time to come. 

The real countdown

On the contrary to yesterday.... Where I could not tolerate the wait and anticipation for our 830am appointment, I actually dragged myself out of bed to face the world and what is awaiting for me. Lamented to wake up and finally found the strength and courage to. There were some foul up... Like forgetting to bring my holy water and my appointment card. 

Anyway A few things happened... Otw to the hospital, I rubbed some holy water on my belly and said a prayer. When I arrived at the hospital and was waiting for the prick, I visited the rest room and saw a clot of blood tissue on my pad. 

A lot went thru my mind.... A lot of reflection... A lot to think about.  Somehow the mind is a lot stronger now then 48 hrs ago. 

I also spent $18 at delifrance which I will usually stinge about. Ok this is Boliao

Anyway it's now about one hour lee to the results. I pray for Gods will to be done and for safety and health. 

Amen 

Counting down...

This must be the worse countdown to anything. A countdown to a blood test which allow us to be either conclusive or progressive. I'm down and I'm lying if I'm not. I dread visiting the toilet each time and looking down. 

I dread letting a big sigh but I can't help but do so. 

I told myself to have faith. To let go and let God. Yet, I refrain from looking at pictures of little ones, and I also been doing extensive research on topics I wish to not have association with. 

I trol sites that talk about hcg 700 / 7 weeks no sac, bleeding no sac / etopic. Chemical pregnancy. It's as thou I was going to make a presentation or lecture about it. 

So I await for 830am Tml and the next two hours following it for the results. 

I have such a heavy heart. 

God Pls heal my soul 

Seeing Red on CNY

dear beanie, mummy and daddy don't know how you are at this point and how things are except to hope for the best. And even this sense of hope is taking me a lot of effort. But I'm certainly sure it takes you more to fight for the well being of your precious little life. I wish us all well and for God's will to be upon us. What started as a small spot of red ended up with more red than mama would like to see on this day. We were panicky, we were worried and we were anxious. Bcos U are a precious gift tt we believed God had sent to our family. My only hope now is to trust the almighty God tt all things work out well for those who love the Lord and that the next 24 hours will see extreme growth in the hcg level. I look forward to new updates and hopefully positive news for the family. 

 

There are many lessons to this. Nothing come easy and nothing should be taken forgranted for. I'm humbled by this experience and seek forgiveness.

God Pls grant us your forgiveness and an opportunity to love once again. 

... The third time

I sneakily found time to grab some on the shelf pregnancy test kit today.... This was after 2 test and 10 days late! 

There were a lot to anticipate and I found out that yes..... It's happening .... Once again.

God, I thank you for granting my heart desires. Part one of my ideal plan was to have a september bb. And to complete my wishes, I pray that God will protect the child and grant us a baby girl to complete our family. 

:) 

This time I remember to pray fervently.

My kids and my love love love

I have been following this author for quite some time and glad to pick up this article. http://www.aneverydaystory.com/2014/04/13/30-days-to-transform-your-play-day-14/

It discusses about "want nothing Time" it's something I can totally relate to as I very often basked myself into the "just spend time but wonder if tt purposeful" state of mind. And the extent of the guilt level ...I mind you .... is often a mind boggling "high" and you can so imagine my sense of relief by the end of the article. 

Kids: you grow and grow .... I may not be the best mom but I'm being the best that I can be at this given time. Hugs and love 

I will learn more and more each day 

Mummy gengen 

The buying must STOP

Yes! I've jus came home from a world of primarks / C&A / Pound Shop 

And guess what! I've over shopped once again for the kids! And this is big time over shopping and so i hate it and terribly guilty about it 

And so... I'm humbled...humbled by a true definition of what modern mum should be

 I've always lived by a simple principle in life... And a difficult one. I've always wanted to just be a 进的了厨房，出的了厅堂 woman...

I draw inspiration occasionally from some ladies I chanced upon and then continue to steer along my own journey.

Last week, I'm humbled by what I saw in Angela, a close client of mine who resides in Belgium where I met them and spent some time with. The visit changed my perspective and had me rethinking my life and my perceptions of many things... From this woman of my age whom i have so much to learn about and from:

- for the first time really, I must say I have a lot of admiration 

- the tai tais in the western world have it much less easy then the taitai in Singapore 

- they have a big house and very well to do. Yet she handled everything so well on her own 

- she worked for a few hours , got back during lunch to check the kids out, went back to work and came back home and prepared with a whipping wand some simple beautiful dinner and freshly baked dessert for me! Amidst looking after a young toddler like Lucus and being extremely sweet for her hubby. 

- it made me rethink the kind of woman I am and the woman I wanna be... For my hubby and my family 

- and yes .... The sg 50 lasses are indeed much spoilt to the core

- and you know what .... With such qualities in her , she deserve the beautiful life she is having now  

Thank you andry and Angela for this important  life lesson you taught me

Back Home with the Phangs

And so I survived the many days of biz trip and the different encounters! All in all I would like to say that I've grown so much as a person during this trip and well.... The kids too!

I dread that I miss some significant milestones but thank God for their good growth! So when I left, little Lucas was barely taking a few steps and when I'm back , the little one is walking really well and had become the most expressive little thing! I always like the toddler phase in children... Oh well... ever since Hongda my cousin was one and then followed by the Varman kids and ahem... The kids are P5 p6 now!

After my 13 days trip , I got home and with the blessing from the family... I slept so much.... And I sure hope that after this blog entry I will get back to sleep. Friday morning I slept from 9am to 3pm and 12 midnight to Saturday 3pm! And then again from 10pm to 3pm.

drama o MaMa

Teared for the first time when I left the kids for this upcoming trip.

Simple fun... When learning is fun

Overall the kids had fun in that two hours with simple joy or interacting with people from station to station collecting stamps , goodies , learning about truck , motor cycle , good safety habits. I believe in experiential learning and hope they picked up a tip or two from Here

As an events organizer once upon a time.... I must confess that I'm always on the look out for an interesting event to 

Bring the kids to experience and learn. So when I learn about this road safety event .... I eagerly signed the kids up to attend!